I have been doing a little bit of research on the topic of spiritual awakening lately. I have been searching for whatever articles I could find on the web and I just finished reading a book on the topic from Amazon Kindle.
I found some interesting information, none quite 100 % or close to what I’m looking for. Most Spiritual Awakening write ups seem to come from a different belief system to mine. Most of them sound like articles that where written by people like the character Cassie Nightingale from the “Good Witch” series (Hallmark). Like mystical type people you would see in the movies. I won’t claim to know much about that, or say that I have that all figured out. What I want to know is what the spiritual awakening mean in relation to God.
Why am I looking in to that, you may be wondering? It’s because I can’t find a better term to describe what I have been experiencing lately in my spiritual being.
I feel like someone who has awaken me from an “ignorance is bliss” (The Matrix) state and I am seeing everything, the world, my life, other’s people lives as it really is.
I feel everything very intensely, my brokenness, and everyone’s brokenness around me, and it is getting harder to take. Lately, I kind of pulled away from everyone other than those in my immediate circle because I don’t think I can handle the emotions and realities I absorb when I am around other people.
I have been feeling like pulling away from “the world” and reconnecting with the Earth (God’s creation-family, nature, etc). I have been feeling the desire just to simply love people, no drama, no complications, just love.
I feel like I strongly see the beauty in the beautiful things and the ugly in the ugly things. I feel like I found my purpose. Like if I now know who I truly am for the first time, what I believe, what I want to stand up for, what I want to do with my life.
I have been experiencing heightened emotions regarding everything I feel. Every emotion feels so intensified. I have also been very reflective lately- remembering a lot of my past, journaling and dealing with unresolved past emotions.
I am feeling a strong desire to change, to become the person I always wanted to be- healthy, strong, confident. I am uprooting the weeds in me and cleansing from the toxins (not easy). I have a strong yearning for authenticity and truth, but I am surrounded by lies.
I want real, worthwhile relationships in my life, even if they are only a few. I want to use my time wisely and not waste a second of my life. I desire change from who I was and to more than I ever thought I could be.
I also feel very inspired and filled with ideas of how I can contribute to making this world a little bit better. I feel a strong desire to help in the care of the world brokenness (though, I wonder if I am strong enough to do that).
I have been hearing lots of songs Christian and secular, that triggers all kinds of feelings in me- mostly happy and encouraged. My world seems to be talking to me through various mediums.
I have also felt the desire to draw closer to God throughout all this. Is this awakening, God’ way of calling me to him? Is it His way of preparing me for my life’s purpose/calling.
I think so, but I’ll have to ride through this season of transition to see what it is all about.
At this juncture, I can’t see and imagine pass this. It is hard to be in a place where you can’t envision your future. I believe I have one. I just can’t see it. I look forward to when this is over.
I am expecting to be a butterfly.