Lately, I have been using various metaphors to describe what my current season of life feels like.
Here are some:
I feel like Indiana Jones in the movie “The Last Crusade,” when he came to the edge of the cliff, and there was no path in sight, but he knew that he needed to get to the other side. Like him, for me, it feels as though I have reached as far as I could go, as far as I can see, yet I know that there is another side to get to, I just don’t know how.
In the movie, Indiana Jones had to take a leap of faith, believing that a path was going to present itself. For me, I am willing to take that leap, put my hands in God’s plan for my future, but it seems as though it is not time for me to jump yet. This is making me very antsy, because while I’m waiting for His instructions to jump, I feel like hot burning coals are under my feet, and I’m not very comfortable at all. I’m dying to leap.
Okay, here are some of the other metaphors that I have been using: a hermit crab in search of a new shell, a snake shedding old skin, a butterfly getting ready to burst out of her cocoon, a hamster running on a hamster wheel but going nowhere.
My life in this season is not bad, in fact, I have a lot to be thankful for. Truly, I recognize that I am blessed. However, amid all my blessings, there is agitation.
Over the years, I have learned to be more trusting and patient in my waiting seasons, but I’m still working on how to deal with the emotions that come with not being where I desire to be.
My emotions of late, have been more like a rollercoaster than they usual are, I try very hard every day to use and appreciate what I have and focus on my blessings. Believe me, I am fully aware of the fact that just having a home and my basic needs met is a big blessing all by itself. I am so very thankful for my five children and my wonderful husband.
Knowing all that, I still struggle with feelings of frustration and anxiety as I stand here at the edge of that cliff with hot burning coals under my feet, waiting to leap but not being able to because it is not time yet.
What has changed about my life? Well, to be perfectly honest practically everything. My five little kids are getting older, their interests are changing, their season of life is changing, and it is my desire to help them to navigate through these years ahead.
I want to build a strong foundation in my children. But it feels as though our shell (hermit crab metaphor) has gotten too small to contain who we have become as a family. What am I talking about? I’m talking about the house we live in can no longer manage us and our lifestyle. It has grown painfully obvious that it is time for us to move into a bigger shell.
We have come to the point that no matter how we adjust or try to change things around. It just isn’t working anymore. It is my hopes to find a place to call home, one we can grow into and not out of quickly before my daughter’s and my birthdays before August 24th and 28th. I would like to start our new school year in a new home. I understand God’s timing is not my timing, but that is my hope. Honestly, I can’t imagine starting a new school year under these circumstances.
Everything around me is changing. The world as we have known it is changing, even a lot of big changes have taken place with my extended family. My siblings are getting married and having children. For ten years, I was the only one out of our parent’s children married with children. Now I am an aunt and will be again soon. They were some big changes in the lives of my parents as well.
Change is happening all around and I am feeling the call for our (my family) change as well, but we must wait to leap.
I feel as though my entire being is changing. Like I am on my deathbed, not in the physical, but in the spiritual. I feel as the old me is dying, as though I have reached the end of the first chapter of my life. Everything about me is changing, my perspective is changing. I am transitioning from a caterpillar to butterfly. This is my time to fly.
I want to share more about that with you in my next blog post. Thank you for hearing my thoughts. Blessings to you.